Hi Russiandoll and welcome. I have never been in your situation and so can't offer any first-hand advice except to say you are safe here. I cannot imagine the kind of fear you must be living with. Can a church really exert that much control over a family? It's been pretty quiet around here lately, but there are a few post-charismatics popping in from time to time. Hopefully someone can relate to your situation and offer support. Meanwhile, you are in my prayers. Come by whenever you wish and feel free to breathe and be you! :)

Thank you for responding ringnut, I really do appreciate it :) The church is great in so many ways and everyone has been so good to me. It's just (a pretty big 'just', I know) the unyielding absolutism I struggle with - more so as I've gotten more and more involved and so am supposed to counsel people in line with church beliefs. Nobody at church would ever guess I'm having these kind of throughts. I guess things I thought I had successfully stifled are trying to get to the surface. I keep trying to re-hide them but then feeling like I might break. It's comforting to know that someone is out there who I can be honest with and who can pray for me so, truly, thank you for responding x

Welcome, Russiandoll.

I don't have personal experience with this particular situation but I do know what it's like to change one's worldview and I was raised in Charismatic-y churches.

Is there anyone in your community with whom you feel comfortable discussing your doubts? If nothing else The Ooze is a great place to sort out your thoughts but it's also good to have face to face interactions with people who get it.

You might want to consider looking for Oozers from your area in this thread. Almost everyone is from the U.S. or Canada but I'll bump the thread up so new Oozers can share their locations.

I've been a member of these boards for about 10 years now and have met many Oozers in person. It's awesome to meet people who share your questions and beliefs about the world. So that's something to consider if/when you're comfortable doing so. :)

What exactly did your husband say when you tried to broach this topic with him? It must be incredibly difficult to be married to someone and not be able to talk about these things with him.

Welcome russiandoll!

Take your shoes off. Sit down. Pour yourself a nice warm drink.
Feel free to snuggle up to the fire. It's warm and it's safe.
Ironically, you're among strangers, and you're among friends. Funny how that is, isn't it?

That's what I like to see TheOoze as.

It's sad and disheartening that you feel so unsafe and isolated in your spiritual community. (Church). I have long since lost all faith in church, so I'm not really a good person to talk to on this issue. But here, you're safe. Galadriel couldn't have been more correct.

Just know this; there are a great many people who question. And questioning is not doubting. A Doubt is not synonymous with faithlessness. Not at all.

I would rather have a Faithful Doubt than a Doubtful Faith.


Smile. Be at easy. Sounds to me like you have alot more faith than your church might.

Thank you for responding, Galadriel and Seph :)

I'm from the UK so pretty far away from all you guys! I think I'm verging on paranoia with no-one finding out about my 'guilty secret' re 'faithful doubting' and currently am a bit too scared to be any more specific than that. If any other UK-ers pop up, maybe I'll find the guts...!

When I tried to explain to my husband that I felt like I needed to rediscover and question things we take for granted, he was really, really shocked. He firmly believes the bible is the inerrant word of God. I tried to discuss why we effectively dismiss some bits and highlight others - but it just wasn't happening. He was genuinely upset and told me I needed to work through it quickly, for the sake of our child at least. This summary might make him sound pig-headed but he genuinely is a good person and I deeeply love him. It's just there are so many good people in my church but with this fatal flaw, if you will - such a strong belief and faith in their view of God that it supercedes all else. I guess the classic fundamental-Charismatic 'God is love but the gate to that love is narrow' / 'the bible is the final authority', etc., etc. Since then we've never mentioned it - I don't want to admit the strength of my feelings and I think he's happy to not bring it up again.

Right now, I know for certain that there is no-one in my church I could talk to without the reponse being either to counsel me back to where they believe I should be or utter shock that it's me saying these things. I know that if and when I come clean (sorry, can't think of a better word!) people will (genuinely and in their perception of love) pray for me to come back, meet up with me, use me as a warning of what can happen even to leaders if we don't stand firm in the word of God. I do vaguely know one person who left the more established church in search of a wider view. Hopefully one day I'll build up the courage to try and find them and talk, but for now, I think I'll try and visit here when I can, read what you guys talk about and ask questions.

You can't imagine how much I appreciate you all responding! Even if there's no easy answer it's just so nice to be able to talk to someone apart from myself :) x

You're very welcome. :) The boards have been very quiet lately but I hope more Oozers will chime in soon.

In the meantime I thought of another possibility. Have you heard of Emergent Village? It's a loosely-affiliated group of Christians who are questioning traditional Christianity.

I know you're not comfortable giving your specific location at the moment (and I'd feel the same way in your shoes!)but they do have a few "cohorts" in the U.K. There should be a link to a map that shows where all of them are located in the above link.

Even if none of them are close to where you live they all do have an online presence. You might find like-minded people on their blogs, etc.

In the meantime, please do keep chatting with us! It's fine to resurrect old threads if you find an interesting topic in the archives. I know some message boards frown on that but we're a pretty laid-back group. :)

I do hope you are beginning to realize you are not alone. Everyone's story is different, but many here and elsewhere can relate painful stories of their dis-engagement from traditional Christianity. Galadriel has some good ideas for finding people to connect with. Check them out, and please keep in touch - we want to hear how you are doing!

Russiandoll, I have been in difficult situations before, but I have been in anything like yours. I have been thinking about you and your situation and praying for you. If there is anything that I can do to help you I would be glad to do it.

I believe that the role Jesus played for us as he questioned the religious authorities of his day is one who is able to ask questions when we are too afraid or unable to ask them ourselves.

And often times, the answer to give up the things that we hold so dear, are too much to bear, in order to follow where Jesus leads.

russiandoll said:

I'm from the UK so pretty far away from all you guys! I think I'm verging on paranoia with no-one finding out about my 'guilty secret' re 'faithful doubting' and currently am a bit too scared to be any more specific than that. If any other UK-ers pop up, maybe I'll find the guts...!

No. You're not the only one here from the UK. It's just that the board has been quiet lately.

You might like to check out Hedge-Church on Facebook. Mark Townsend runs it. He's located in England. Mark is/used to be here on TheOoze too. (Blueraven I think was his handle...?)